IT IS OKAY
Don't get me wrong I have not experience the worst of my days I am sure (close but not close enough) and as scary as it sounds I know days like that are what makes waking up and making my day as productive and fulfilling as possible. It's hard to keep your head up all the time but trust me you DO NOT need to. Yes being a debby downer all the time is very unhealthy but even if once a day you have a fuck this moment IT IS OKAY.
I am the least perfect person you will ever met and I would say one of my biggest flaws is trying to fix every single situation even when it is nothing to do with me. In a way i'm glad that is one of my issues because at least I'm taking other people in to account and I only ever want the people I'm with to be happy BUT then it leaves me feeling drained and never ever good enough and that is a massive me problem. No one asks me to try and talk the boy away that's been annoying my friends in a club but I do and then it can potentially ruin my night. No one asks me to make sure everyone in a group feels welcome and wanted but I do because there is nothing worse than someone feeling left out but also on the flip side I'm trying so hard with a problem that might not even be there and end up not enjoying myself. It's okay to not have your shit together and feel like sometimes you're fighting a losing battle BUT what is not okay is to make yourself feel down and stressed over things you do not need to be down and stressed about.
If you have a job that doesn't stress you out then 5 gold stars for you because there is nothing worse than being made to feel mentally ill because of something that doesn't define who you are. I've recently started a new job and oh my god is it a work load. I honestly have a job that doubles as a day at the gym. It's both mentally and physically draining because you have so much to do all the time and no one ever understands that unless you're part of the team but I'm excited to see where it can take me. If you think that a job is more important that your well being then please think again. To me building my career is really really important but if it isn't making me happy then I don't want it. Sometimes you can go into work and smash out all your jobs and come out the other side super proud and fulfilled and other days you can go in and think why was I even hired and that is totally normal. You don't always have to have it together and a bad day does not over rule the good.
When it comes to this blog I feel so unmotivated which was the last thing I wanted. I write this blog because it's my main source of stress relief and it's where I can put the thoughts in my head onto (digital) paper. I do not do it for anyone else but me and if i'm honest no one is probably reading this and that IS OKAY. What hasn't sat well with me is that I have not prioritised writing and photography over anything and it's frustrating to see the last time I wrote a blog but it's also been nice to socialise and get to grips with my life because SO MUCH has changed. I got a new job, I've been through a heartbreak, I've had people shove their opinions down my throats and start arguments with me constantly, I've learnt how great it is to find people who are another version of you, I've had to deal with my best friend moving away (I miss you lozza c) and I've finally watched the batman films (well only two) so basically life has been a handful but I'm trying to enjoy it more than I am getting stressed about it but I do and I don't think I have my life together but who wants that anyway and does it ever really happen?
I'm trying to say that if you feel like life is one big fat English summer rain cloud (like seriously what is this weather) then eat some ice cream stick hairspray on (trust me it helps) and cry it all out. Then pick yourself up and tell yourself IT DOESN'T MATTER. Life is only stressful and crappy if you let it so write a blog or tidy your room, go for a run or even put on a full face of glam makeup IF that is what takes your mind away from problems and life in general because it is not worth it.
You're doing amazing sweetie.
Soph X
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