Dear 2017

CYAAAAA

As I'm writing this I'm trying to sort out my plans for the night because silly soph forgot to book tickets for the nightclub we were meant to be going to and IT SOLD OUT HEHEHE so there's nothing quite like entering the new year knowing you fudged up a bit BUT we are being spontaneous and that is the best kind of night. 

2017 has been filled with laughter, tears, trips, heartbreaks, blossoming of friendships and relationships, lots of food, lots of alcohol, lots of early morning and late nights and most importantly this year has been FULL of achievements. When I say achievements I don't just mean the standard 'I got my first year no claims' I mean I've also achieved some things I never thought I would like stepping out of my comfort zone, taking on difficult challenges and making huge steps in my career and personal life. 

I don't want to give 2017 the satisfaction of a blog post dedicated to how up and down this year has been so I'm going to keep this short and sweet and say thank you and good bye. Thank you for being the year my parents got married, the year I learnt what real heartbreak was and how to get over it, the year that taught me about true friends and family, the year that saw me start my career and become the 'head' visual merchandiser (because it's just me hehe) for Topman Cambridge and the year that taught me how to love really really really hard. 

I can't think of anything better then entering the new year with my oldest best friend and my newest one. Have a cracker of a night whatever you may be doing but for now I have to go and get DRUNKKKKK. 

Over and out, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 2018 you better be a good one. 

Soph x   

Reflecting On My Year: PART ONE

NEW YEAR NEW ME?

I know what you may all be thinking, 'oh how cliche of a post' or 'be a little bit more original' but can you really say the year is over if you haven't looked back and thought 'well I thought that wasn't going to be as shit as it was.'

 Instead of looking back on all the things I have probably already blogged about I wanted to remember all of the funny and not so funny little moments of my year. 

1) One of the funniest moments of the year for me was 100% getting off my face drunk at my dad's wedding in front of all our family and friends (including my new grandparents)... did I say funny? I meant to say embarrassing. No but really that whole week was magical, fun, had me in stitches the majority of the time and just overall a really really really happy time. Getting drunk for the first time in front of my family to the point of crying to your stepmum about how much you love her would be seen as embarrassing to most but lucky for me I got the comments 'We love drunk soph' rather than 'you need to go to bed babes'.. Next up my wedding..... HA good joke soph. 

2) Another memorable moment of my year was the week I nearly died and more importantly the recovery. If you didn't know I nearly died this year and I think I would of it wasn't for my stepmumma, so thank you Min for keeping me on this planet to annoy you for many more years to come. But the thing I will remember not just now but for the rest of my life was when I made a surprise visit to work after a week being gone (A week is a very long time in retail) and without even making the top of the very deadly stairs Charlotte had turned around and within 0.3 seconds screamed and started to CHARGE at me. We hugged so hard we nearly fell to the floor and I will never forget that feeling ever ever ever. We have had many amazing memories this year like Craig David and Mallorca but this one means the most to me. I lav ya. 

3) A long part/the start of my year I have been trying to forget about was the part where my relationship was well not a relationship anymore. I jumped into something because it felt like a good thing to do at the time but the outcome and what has happened since between us just doesn't seem like it was worth the jump. That sounds harsh but I only say it because I would of much rather a friendship with him then what we have now which is nothing at all. He probably has lots of horrible things to say about me and boy has he but I know he has a good heart. I won't forget the spontaneous tickets you got us so that we could go and see The Weeknd after we missed Paris because I got ill or the 6 hour journey to the most beautiful place I have seen, The Lake District, I will remember it all. 

4) The last and probably the most random memory I have of this year that makes me grin everytime I think about it was when me and someone who shall not be named decided to play 'Sophie are you really a human jukebox or not'. To keep a long story short, I am. But that's not what makes me happy thinking about it, it's the whole music side. Music helps so many people... including me. sad? Listen to music. Bored? Listen to music. Heartbroken? Listen to music. Honestly there are so many different types with so many different meanings depending on what emotion you are feeling and I find that so insane. So yes I can name every single song within the first 5 seconds on a  'classic rock classics' album and I'm not ashamed but quite impressed..... and so was he. 

  No matter what good and bad things happen this year like promotions or loss of jobs, love or heartbreak and friendship or loneliness there ALWAYS are and ALWAYS will be little tiny memories you can look back on and they are the things you should cherish more because the little things in life create the biggest smiles and fill even the smallest of hearts.... there was the cheese a Soph blog post can't go without. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope this coming year fills you will lots more little memories, good health and most importantly a whole lot of booze!!!!!!!!!

Soph x

Song of the blog: Celebrate- Kool & The Gang

Missing My Ex

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. 

This week I've finally spoken to people about my 'ex' and said out loud the words 'I miss him.' In no way does that mean I want him back or that I'm not ready to move on, it's more of a coming to terms with my feelings and knowing that deep down... very deep down.. I have a heart and it partly belongs to him. Luckily he won't read this and even on the off chance he did he wouldn't care so this is for me and only me to get it off my chest and finally come to terms with the fact that it's okay to be sad over someone that just doesn't deserve you anyway. 

It's super cliche when you break up with someone and everyone says 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' or 'you were just too good for him' but as many times as you hear it and try to believe it you either know that it just wasn't meant to be or that you will never ever find anyone close. That's the first thing I miss. How different yet how similar to me he was. To be honest we weren't together long and I probs can't even call him an ex officially but you know when you know and to me he was right up my street. WE connected from the moment he wouldn't save my seat on the top floor of a very busy revolution club so I could pee and for the next two months I was pretty much obsessed with him. I liked that. I liked the thought of someone and knowing that I really really bloody like them from the get go because I have never had that and I think personally I was always a bit too scared of commitment. It's okay to fall hard and quick but just be careful that they will be there to catch you rather than just stand on the outside and let you fall. 

I get a lot of people have a go at me for living my life the way I want it and I'm sure this post will cause a few dramas but being honest with yourself is the most important thing you can do. I tried for months to convince myself and others around me I was over it because I'm a strong independent woman but really I felt like I had lost a limb and I didn't know how to sew it back on. You can feel lost and like your emotions are on a constant merry go round and you DO NOT have to be annoyed at yourself for it. I miss how my family knew as soon as I mentioned his name that I really liked him. They could tell by how happy I was that this one human had come into my life and gave what they think I deserve.... happiness. That is also the hardest part. Having to tell them he didn't want me anymore. You don't really accept it until you have to tell everyone but again being honest and telling people can really lift a weight off your shoulders because then you know you are not in it alone anymore. 

I think the thing I hate the most about what a situation like this can do to someone is lower their self worth. When someone leaves you (sadly in my case with little explanation) you rack your brains on why on earth you weren't good enough. You wonder what you could of done to prevent it and you think what you could have been doing better. You shouldn't feel like that at all. Maybe one day this person will look back and think 'damn how could I let her go' or he could never think of you again but never ever ever ever ever ever think that you need to change so it doesn't happen again. Think that although he's gone, and you'd really wish he would stay, that actually you are you and he is he and nothing in the world will change that and the two may just simple not go together like bread and butter or cheese and pickle but more like peanut butter and chicken nuggets and ice cream and an oven. 

I hope one day or even now he feels sad at how he left it and left me, I hope maybe he thinks we could have been good if he hadn't of pushed me away for a job and I hope and I pray that he doesn't do what he did to me to another girl because his cheeky smile and the way he can make you feel like nothing else matters will cause many a girl to fall in love with him just like me. 

I'm so sorry to make you feel like you could ever let me go. 

Soph X

Making A Bad Situation Into A Good One

MENTAL HEALTH COMES FIRST.

Although it's my day off and I should be happy, I've been thinking all day 'As much as I want to be in bed this means I'll be working all weekend' and after all day going through my work app and sending messages back and forth to my team (what a loser day off I know) I started to realise why I'm in the position I'm in..... And I got a gush of achievement.

 I got a voice note from someone I'm working really closely with at work and consider a good friend about how they had achieved loads over the day and did everything I asked him (nicely) to do and at the end he said 'come in tomorrow and do your magic' and at that point I was like HOLY SMOKES. Not a bad 'Holy Smokes' but a good one because although I know the team and have for a while I've actually only been Topman's (only) visual merchandiser for a week and a bit and I already feel like such a respected part of the team and it's the bestest feeling especially as I haven't felt that in a long time.....

When I say 'making a bad situation into a good one' it was aimed at a lot of aspects of my life like my job, my relationships and friendships but mainly based on my mental health. I was the visual merchandiser for mainly Topshop and Topman before converting entirely to Topman and the team was a lot different. We had a much larger team of about 7 compared to my team of 1 now (with a lot of support that I make help me out haha) and it was so difficult to really know your place. My job is so fast paced that (in Topshop) you don't get much time for your development and you have to go through so many people that you never really grasp the real reason as to why you are re-merching the wall you did just yesterday and so for me I felt I need to take the contract for Topman and focus on progression and most importantly to me.... learning why I do what I do. 

Since moving to Topman I feel important in my role but not more important then anyone else because we come as a team (does that make sense? probs not) and we all know where we all stand and want to lift each other up rather than watch us fall. The same can't be said about Topshop and that's not me slating the people but it's just the way it goes in a large and very fast-pace store and you'll get that anywhere! I respect all of the Topshop team but I knew for me that my best way to progress within my job and the business would to make the brave step into Topman and I haven't looked back so far. 

When it comes to my relationship status I've had an interesting coping mechanism (to bash boys on my blog apparently) since the last person I was seeing turned out to be someone I really didn't expect him to be but I've turned the page and now focusing on me and although that bad part of my life will still pop every now and again to remind me of him/us (WHO HAS A FAMILY COMPANY WITH A MILLION LORRIES THAT DRIVE PAST YOU EVERYDAY AND WORK RIGHT WHERE YOU PARK ANYWAY) but I've been on a date and I'm focusing on my career so really that time of my life is coming to an end and I'm trying to make the best out of this single life situation as best as I can. 

Basically you have to rely on yourself to make your own happiness because once you allow other people to do that then when they let you down it's a lot harder to get back up without wanting it all back again and you SHOULD never dwell on the past but always be excited for what is to come. Making a bad situation into a good one applies to every aspect of life and although some bad situations are harder to mend know that if you want to be happy then one day it will come to you because controlling your life is a lot more fulfilling and healthy then letting someone else control it for you. 

Soph x    

Fuck Boys.. And Fuck Girls: Is It Really A Bad Thing?

GOING WITH THE FLOW

I was once seeing a boy who said he would only be satisfied with a blog post if his name was in the title... so your wish is finally my command. 

Before you think this is a boy bashing blog I want to say it really isn't. It's all about knowing what you want and what you don't want even when it's a scary thing especially when society is telling you what you should want and what you shouldn't want. I've been in this rut that I like to call 'Soph has no heart' since I got shamefully dumped a couple of months ago. I used to be obsessed with the idea of love that I would fall quick and hard and that is exactly what I did only to be shot down a lot quicker and a lot harder but it has taught me a lot and now I'm all about the having fun and saying 'FUCK YOU' to love.... for now anyway.

I used to hate the idea of seeing multiple people at once and going on a series of dates to find 'the one' but now that doesn't really bother me at all. Granted I can't get a lot of people to want to date me BUT i'm more of a Soph there really knows there are plenty more fish in the big old sea so the first guy you go on a date with that laughs at things you wouldn't laugh at and who orders the tuna pasta that you have phobia of, maybe isn't the one. People like to just go on dates and people meet the person they have been meaning to find on that first date too and both are completely okay. I'm young, starting my career and SINGLE so why the hell can I not want to flirt with a few guys or go on two or twenty dates (if I was ever that lucky)? Don't panic if at first you don't succeed because who the fuck cares.

The term 'sleeping around' has always been seen in such a negative way but what really is all that wrong with it? If two people make an agreement that they want to just have a bit of fun with no strings then hey bloody go for it, they aren't hurting anymore. Life can be too overwhelming at times that the thought of even 'seeing' someone seems like an impossible task so having a bit of fun every now and again with someone else who wants to have a bit of fun every now and again doesn't sound like a completely awful plan. The words 'slut' and 'slag' fly around social media when you've had sex with more than -3 people especially when it's out of a relationship but really we should be egging people on to be truthful and mature about something that is truthful and super mature. There is plenty of time to find your future spouse so don't feel like you need to keep up with society's standards of #relationshipgoals and go and get laid if that is all you really want because lets be honest.... FEELINGS SUCK.

If there is anything I can really relate to it's the whole 'taking it slow' thing. I'm a taking it slow kind of girl (although I haven't always been) and I think that is something that I will be for the foreseeable future. Some people take two days to get into a relationship and I've known people to take two years and neither of those situations are wrong nor stupid. We used to tease my best friend A LOT for seeing her then boyfriend for like 9 months before making it official and now I take my baker boy hat off to her because that will be me when I eventually find someone who I deem (urm) acceptable enough to take me on more than one date. Being super chill and casual about a situation like a relationship can do really good things or really really bad things because sometimes (sadly for me... well his loss) one party can lose interest and not give 100% and that only ever leads to certain heartbreak and possibly even.... DEATH... just joking hehe. Putting the big old BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND label on can be either a really exciting and eager thought or a really scary and daunting thought so make sure you take as much time as you need and as much time as they need because rushing into things or taking things too slow can lead to hard times and well not hard times (if you get what I mean there...).

So from single me to you know that having a booty call, taking your time, or completely ignoring all of the opposite/same sex has it's pros and cons. You CAN be the 'slut' society seems to love to call people who have sex outside of marriage, you CAN be the boy who wants to takes things three years slow just so you know you really want it and you CAN be the girl who has been on three dates in one week just so you know you aren't missing that rare killer whale because why fucking not.

Have fun because life is too damn short.

Soph.... your fellow young, single and taking it real slow kinda gal x  

Recognition

I HAVE REALISED A LOT

This weekend I went back to where I grew up and to say I recognised how much my life has changed is an understatement. I saw family and friends, got drunk when I really shouldn't of, reminisced on funny memories but the most eye opening thing I did this whole weekend was talk about.... me. 

Obviously going back to where I moved away from people are going to ask me a lot of questions like 'How's living in cambridge?' 'how is the job going?' 'Who are your fit friends and are they single' and after having to answer these questions at least five different times I noticed all that I have achieved in the space of one year. It's crazy when you look back on twelve months because so much can happen and it's not really a long period of time. A lot of people have congratulated me on my job with a follow up question of 'what exactly do you do as a visual merchandiser' and a lot of people have asked either why I was with my ex boyfriend, how it ended or if I miss him/ the relationship at all. Obviously one conversation was easier than the other but I am an open person so I told them and moved swiftly on to ask what they had for dinner last night...

 I think for me recognising what I have achieved is a massive flaw of mine because I am always looking at what I haven't achieved. I'm a very driven person and I also want the next step but sometimes I need to sit back and look at what I've done and what I'm doing and so with people asking me what I've been up to since I moved I have had the chance to reflect and pat myself on the back a little bit. I've made mistakes, I've had people give up on me and I've had really crappy situations happen but I've made the bestest friends, I'm working my way up the career ladder and getting somewhere with that and most importantly I have lost people who never deserved me anyway. 

I came back to my 'home town' and I found out nasty and untrue rumours were being spread about me even though I had been gone a year and at first I was angry and maybe tweeted when I shouldn't of but then I realised if they are still talking about me then they clearly still care.... Imma just sit back with my tea on this one. But seriously I learnt that no matter what people are saying about me the people who truly know me have stuck up, stood by me and would not believe a single thing and that's why it is all worth it. My friend told me and immediately said 'don't worry Soph I didn't listen' and that was exactly why I was eating a kokoro with him and not them. 

What I'm trying to say is that no matter what stage of the year you are in, whether everything has gone downhill or whether everything is at it's peak, reflect on the last twelve months and note all that you have been through, whether you got a new job, a new friend, found love, got your heartbroken or still in the 'trying to find someone ANYONE PLS' stage of your life, was all worth it because it's all setting you up for the next twelve months and you can look back and thank the girl who spread the untrue rumours, the boy who you fell in love with, the family members you created the happiest of memories with and the friends who accepted you and believed in you because that's what life is all about. 

Recognising what you have achieved is one of the hardest things to do but don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. You're doing great. 

Soph x 

Dear Younger Self

HI LITTLE SOPH.

Seeing as time travel hasn't been invented yet this is the best I'm gunna get. I've learnt so much these past couple of years and although there is still so much to learn and overcome you will come out at the end. I promise. You are going to love and hate. You are going to get hurt multiple times. You are going to witness your dad marry the love of his life. You are going to get very very drunk to the point you'll ring the boy you fancy and call him 'babycakes'. You are going to organise and help run a fashion show that goes so smoothly you wouldn't of believed it. You are finally going to move to Royston after many of years saying you will next year. And sadly you're going to get your heart broken in multiple different situations at the most unpredictable of times. 

 Life is fun and exciting and you will be given so many opportunities but you won't be able to share those with your mum, your grandma or even that best friend you thought would be your ben to your jerrys forever. That sounds sad and it is.. you can be sad but you have that friend you never thought would be well.. your friend, you'll have a step mum you go home to every evening and pour your little heart out to and you will have a team leader at work who knows the face 'I need a hug' and will proceed to give you the most comforting of hugs. 

 You are going to develop a real love of eye shadow and winged eyeliner (which has taken you years to perfect) and you will stop climbing trees and start merchandising walls in a flagship Topshop/Topman store. There will be so much for you to learn and so much to achieve but you will want it and succeed even though there are people who are praying for you to fail. But most importantly you don't give up and that is what you are most proud of. 

Two days after your 19th birthday you are going to go out in a killer white dress with a pink fluffy crown on. You are going to dance with your friends and end up on top floor to catch some fresh air and to cool your forehead down that is overheating because of your fringe and without any intentions on your behalf you are going to be swept off your feet by a very tall and handsome guy. It goes REALLY well for a bit but then you get your heartbroken and think the whole world is crumbling down and you don't know why. You think of all your past relationships and wonder why they didn't hurt you as much as this and then it clicks. Most of your exs were really nice guys who you can still get on with (please note the most) but this guy will put you through something you never ever deserved and the most important thing to remember is just that. YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. You are going to love hard and that is what you need to take out of it. You learn that it isn't a bad thing to let your guard down even when you don't want to and that you thinking about other people all the time will not make a very happy Soph. Be honest and open and whether they reply or not you know you tried. 

You are going to develop a real love for mini cheddars and you will continue to love chicken nuggets so much so Dad will never stop telling you 'you're going to look like one soon'.

  You are going to become an aunty to a beautiful little boy who you need to see more even though it is hard. You are going to start to feel like an only child more and more each day but you will still love your siblings just as much as you did when you all lived together under one roof before all the problems started. 

You are going to learn a lot about families and friendships, you're going to be in a year and a half relationship and even when it's over see only the best in him, you are going to start your period and cry about how painful it is every month, You are going to develop a strong love for David Tennant as the Doctor and you are going to become a human jukebox that people class as your party trick. 

Although you will spend years looking in the mirror thinking what if and you will get let down so much to the point you doubt yourself you, I, will tick things off the 'holy shit I did that' list and be proud of where you are at 19 years old with no mother but a loving family, without the best friend of 12 years (she's still a great human, there is no shade what so ever) but with a new group of pals and sadly without my Grandma who I know will be equally as proud.

 From me to myself, You've got this. 

Soph x

Feeling Good For Halloween

HALLOWEEN 2017

I'm not going to lie... I wanted to look good this halloween. When you have had a boy dump you your self confidence goes down A LOT and so I needed to try and make myself feel better by buying a really sexy dress, putting some false lashes on (super proud of myself for this one seeing as I'm not a girl) and curling my hair and that is exactly what I did. Just a disclaimer that I like doing this just for myself and not to grab the attention from anyone else. This isn't a scary costume or even a costume at all but the I felt good and that was all that mattered. For the only part of my 'costume' that was Halloween themed I wore some weird black and red horns that I got last year and you bet as soon as I got on the dance the horns came off and 'landed' on a random persons head who was lucky enough to walk past me at the time. Here is to the start of the best time of year and to a new and improved Soph.... the version that doesn't give a fuck.

Charlotte looked incred as always and I was super happy to have her by my side. We are both going through this rut together so I couldn't think of anyone I would want to get glammed up with more and have a boogie with because gurl we deserve it. 

 DRESS-OH POLLY

SHOES-NEW LOOK (out of stock)

HORNS- ACCESSORISE (old)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BOO! DON'T GET EATEN BY AN MONSTERS! BE NICE TO KIDS NO MATTER HOW ANNOYING IT IS THAT THEY WON'T STOP KNOCKING ON THE DOOR WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO WATCH EASTENDERS!

Soph x  

Is Being Selfish A Good Thing?

HELL NO

If there is one thing that really bugs me it's people who think the world revolves around them. Who make it out like their problem is worse than yours or that their problems are more important than yours. People who think that the topic of conversation has to be about them. The humans who think only for their best interests and not the persons who they are hurting. 

I had a conversation the other night with someone who I really didn't think I would be having the convo with but I did and it made me realise how shitty one person has been to me due to his selfishness. It opened my eyes to people around me and how they are treating me and how maybe I am being to certain people. So I text a friend a need, I read more 'small' blogs and supported some of them, I cleaned up after my dad who had probably made a gross sandwich that consisted of marmite, peanut butter, salad cream and beetroot and I decided to write this blog. I think sometimes we lose sight of what is important and get wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget about what else is going on and there is nothing wrong with that as long as we get back on track and realise our lives are not the only lives that matter. 

With my job taking up a lot of my life and a heartbreak I have been distracted to say the least and it is something I am desperate to change. My job is something I can't do much about it because it really is a step in the right direction for me but the heartbreak is something that makes my life decisions for me and nope I'm not about it. I'm angry more than I am upset just because of all that happened and so in my head I am just fully like 'fuck all boys I hate you I hate you I hate you' when really I should just be going with the flow. I'm sure if you have had a girl/boy hurt you in ways you didn't know you could be hurt then you will have that mindset for a bit and I don't know if it is just me but do you just fully hate the idea of putting yourself in the position to possibly be hurt again? If any thing it has taught me that I want to be alone for a while and not commit to something that isn't me and that is when being selfish is okay just don't knock anyone down in the process that doesn't deserve it. 

Everyone has to be selfish at times because you can't live a happy life if you're doing everything to please everyone else. If you need to do something for you or your future then your friends and family should understand and stick by you no matter what but do not take that for granted and forget relationships are a two way thing. If a friend needs you be there. If a family member needs you be there. I'm sure on the flip side they will be there for you in your time of need too. I don't really know what the rights and wrongs are here but if it feels like you're hurting someone then that is probably when being selfish isn't the best thing to do.

 I've grown up with two very selfless parents who show me everyday how dedicated they are to making everyone else happy. They run motorsport/drifting events pretty much every weekend and then work during the week. Although they live and breathe cars what they do every weekend isn't for them, it is for everyone else. They love what they do because they love to bring people together to do something they love for a really cheap price that no where else can offer them. They don't run the events for a profit or to get any recognition they do it so the people who love to drift can do exactly that without having to get a loan out. That's what makes me most proud. They do not do it for money they do it to simply make hundreds of people happy and it really shows. However when you run big events some people are bound to be shitty and they have defo experienced that a few times to say the least. That's when being selfless has it's flaws and you just can't help it.  You can not please everyone but my parents are lucky enough to be so incredibly loved by so many people that one tiny negative post on facebook (that is totally uncalled for) can have hundreds of replies back (in simply terms)  saying 'shut up'. I aspire to be like them everyday. 

So if you think that being selfish more times than often is the right thing then maybe we are not the most likely of people to get on and although I admire your self love I think you probably need to take a step back and see theres more to life than just you. Sorry not sorry but being a kind, thoughtful and considerate person is so much better than being a selfish, rude and ignorant one. Text that girl back whose heart you broke and say sorry, Tell your friend you love them and will always be there no matter what and put yourself first sometimes. Chose your path... I'm sticking with mine. 

Soph x 

Welcome To My Blog

WELL THIS IS WEIRD

If you've never read my blog before then you'll probably think this is just a nice friendly welcoming... which I guess it is but for those of you who have been with me for a bit or so then you'll think why the bloody hell are you writing this now after months of frequent posts. WELL fear no longer I'm about to tell you... I know you felt no fear but moving on. 

For me I feel like my blog has taken a huge change of direction this past month or so and I myself didn't really know what was going on or how to explain it. I've gone from writing about my outfits to more serious and advice like posts and I'm really not mad about it. I love fashion with my whole life and that will always be the main focus for me but writing comes so naturally that I need to jot down wants in my head and this is where it all comes spilling out. I will never stop going through stuff that everyone can relate to because I'm a (not for much longer HOW SAD) teenage girl and we go through the lot. 

So hi welcome to my blog! I write a load of crap that people actually want to read and sometimes even comment back to me about how it's helping them (how cool is that) but I enjoy what I do and I hope you reading this will enjoy what I do too. I've never been one to brag or say I'm better than anyone but this little blog I've created makes me more happy then you will ever know and that is how I know I'm winning. I get to talk about crappy boys who have broke my heart, girls who think they are gods gift because they are prettier than me, family members that make my little heart burst with love and friends who make my cheeks and tummy hurt from laughing and do you know what? I fucking love it. 

If you have ever thought about starting a blog then do it what is really the worst that can happen? I say it all the time but I write for me and no one else so if someone doesn't like it then I don't really care and if someone does like it then that is an added bonus that makes me very happy. My blog is about channelling my feelings, sharing my personal advice, showing you outfits I've worn, documentation of my travels and memories and most importantly to me my blog is me. Everything I write is me and everything I share with you is me. 

To the people who inspire my posts (good and the arseholes), to the people who read my blog, to the people who take photos for me, to the people who message me saying you can relate and to the one guy (BOY) who broke my heart, gave me plenty of fuel for my fire and who made me want to change my blog.... Thank you so so so so much.

Welcome to my blog. 

Soph x 

Should You Go Back To An Ex?

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

I read a really interesting article the other day and it really opened my eyes on my once 'only rule of dating'. My one rule is to never get back with an ex because you clearly broke up for a reason but now I don't see that as a very clever idea. I've always been too stubborn to be like 'oh I'll go back to them' because I always try and tell people I'm completely over them and in most cases I am but there are a few ex's that I would love to rekindle with just to see if we have grown up and moved on from what was once something that really wasn't working. 

In this article they were talking about how a girl had a boyfriend as a teenager and after being split for two years, with one of those years in another (unsuccessful) relationship, they bumped into each other and the sparks flew so much they are now married and happy. I'm not saying this is aimed at me at all but I'm just particularly interested about this topic of conversation because of how much I was once against it. I wouldn't judged other people but you're quick to make the opinion of  'well surely that can't work' because it just doesn't seem likely to work again seeing as your relationship got so bad to the point it needed to end but sometimes it is just because of wanting other things and growing up and who knows after a few years apart you could be in the job you worked hard to get so much so your girlfriend had to leave you to pursue it or you could just be a lot more mature and want to finally commit to that person. 

I'm a strong believer that most of my relationships (that were going well) didn't work because of timing. I've had a lot going on the past couple of years that the thought of committing to someone even though I was moving two hours away permanently pushed me away and actually had people push me away because of. I've had someone not want to carry on the relationship because they could not balance me and their job (saddest case for me personally) and I've just had the typical fuckboy who hates any thought of commitment (GROW UP). The most important thing to remember is that this happens to everyone (if not then lucky you babes) so you can have glitches and bumps in the road but that does not mean it will never ever work again. You once had feelings so strong you didn't want anyone else so you can feel that again and not feel bad about it. 

When it comes to cases like being cheated on or being left for another person that is when I would say never again just because I know my worth and so should you. If someone was distracted before then they will more than likely be distracted again until they find the right person for them and although that sounds really bloody sad it's not because it will teach you that they were never really the person for you. Another thing that puts me off getting back with someone is if you were never really truly on. I have this 'on/off' situation with a boy and I have for years and years but it has never truly been on and so now I'm thinking that it is time to just call it quits. It's one of those situations where you really want them but they will never really want you they just think they do and that's okay because it just means that there is someone perfect for them and I'm so excited for him to find it. 

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is keep an open mind. Don't go against your morals or your self-worth but think about whether or not someone new can make you happy or whether someone already has and you are not ready to fully let go. It can take months or years but we live and learn and grow and if they have lived and learned and grew too then what's stopping you from learning about the new them and them getting to know the new you. They loved you once they can love you again. Take your time because you have either found the one or you're simply still searching and there is nothing wrong with either of those things. 

Soph x 

Reminiscing on Summer Memories- Anglesey Abbey

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE

Two months ago exactly (genuine coincidence) someone took me to Anglesey Abbey and it was one of the most beautiful things I'd seen. I'm a sucker for flower gardens and old fashioned houses so this was literally the most perfect date... shame the date himself didn't turn out to be so perfect haha (great guy just not great enough for him but oh well!) BUT I've just realised that I never posted the pictures like I was meant to because for me my blog is all about looking back on all the memories I've made and this was one of the highlights of my summer so after having a lazy morning looking through my photos (sometimes that can be a very bad thing) from the summer I've finally decided to post some of those pictures and maybe even inspire some of you to want to go to something that people would usually consider a bit boring. 

    I can't wait to go back next year and hopefully take someone else who will enjoy the pretty flowers like I do.... Charlotte? 

I should probably mention what this place even is.... but it's basically just a country house with acres of land with beautiful gardens and honestly one of my new favourite places I have ever been too. But for a better explanation here is the website... Anglesey Abbey.

I took this on snapchat whhhhaattt

Short but very very sweet... the place and the date. 

Soph x 

What I Want To Achieve By The End Of This

WE ARE NEARLY THERE

I have been so focused on getting through my days that I've lost touch of myself and my goals. So I have decided that I am going to set myself a few small goals that I want to achieve by the end of this year seeing as we don't have that long left of it.... WHERE HAS 2017 GONE??? It's so important to have things to look forward to and to have things that you want to tick off your 'life is falling in to place' list so that you can look back and be proud of yourself rather than dwelling on some of the shitty things life seems to love to throw at us all. 

1. CREATING LOADS MORE FUN MEMORIES

This one is a constant goal of mine. I couldn't imagine a life that was dull and so for me creating memories I'll remember forever and can look back and think wow I was having such a great time are so important to me. After a really fun summer I want to be able to carry that on in to the last couple of months because for me this is my fav time of year and luckily I've met someone who loves it equally as much! After what seemed like I would be miserable forever (god damn boys hey) I'm building my bridge and getting over a crappy month and finally looking forward to more exciting and more adventurous times ahead with some pretty great people. Creating memories is what you'll remember a few years down the line not that your boss changed your rota a week before so you have to work a whole weekend when you had important plans (I'm a bit bitter but I will get over it). 

 

2. FIGURING MY CAREER OUT... KIND OF

By this I don't mean that I'm not happy with the job I have now or that I want to leave but more I want to discover more of what I can get out of what I'm doing now and how it is going to help me get more into the fashion industry. I'm ready to settle down (sounds more scary then it is) but I don't want to be unhappy in what I do so by the end of the year I want to of at least got myself out there a little bit more so I can discover what I can go in to next and how I am going to get there. It's always good to have a career aspiration and for me because I haven't gone to uni it's all about how I can get myself up the ladder and out there in the fashion industry so this goal is super duper important to me. 

3. TO GET MYSELF OUT THERE

Do you know what I am so ready to start a fresh on the dating thing because I am not good at it and what I'm going to do is just go with the flow. See a cute guy on a night out? cool get a free drink and move on... joking but if that ever does happen to me (because it really never does) maybe I'll actually have a chat rather than running off to dance because that's the only thing I know how to do. I also just want to have fun and be free because for a few years now I've been committed to finding 'the one' but I'm young and I really do not need to be wifed up just yet. I'm taking a step back and hopefully one day it will just happen.... a girl can dream right?

4. TO KNOW MY WORTH

I will be the first to say that I am not the most confident of people. I really get knocked down when someone says one tiny thing or points out a flaw I have and I don't think that will ever really changed BUT I really want to start knowing how great I am. That might sound big headed but I'm past the point of caring now because if you don't think you can be great then who else will. I can't change myself and to be honest I don't want to anymore because I have people in my life that remind me of how good a person I can be and they matter the most but I really want to change how much I care about other peoples opinions of me who have done ME wrong. All I can say is FUCK YOU. 

So there are some of the goals I want to achieve by the end of the year and hopefully they will make me more happy, more loving and more adventurous because the year can only become better if I allow it. Have a cracking week.. over and out. 

Soph x  

BEING YOU

IT'S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT 

A lot of my life I've been worried about whether people think i'm 'normal' enough and I honestly don't know why. For example at work yesterday it was the annual student night and we had a DJ blasting music (and when I say blasting I mean BLASTING) and instead of me enjoying what seemed to be a playlist made for me I was too worried about whether the customers on Topman would think I was a right loonie and so just kept restocking arms and tidying up after all theses guys who clearly didn't know what the purpose of the hanger was. I felt like I needed my right hand woman with me to 'cut some shapes' (inside joke) who was stuck two floors above me but that shouldn't of been the case. 

  It's fair to say (I think anyway) I'm a free spirit and I don't usually care what other people think of me but recently my confidence has been knocked with a hammer the size of the Empire State Building on top of Mount Everest and sometimes I get really upset that someone let me go and I had no explanation as to why, but then other days I'll be like your loss hun I'm 10/10 and I think that is perfectly okay. We all have to love ourselves sometimes even if someone else isn't because my opinion of me is more important than some silly boy/girl who ever made me doubt myself. 

My parents are probably part of the weirdest group of humans I know and so growing up I never really thought being 'weird' could be seen as a 'bad thing' but more of a beautiful way of expressing yourself. Don't get me wrong now I appreciate someone with a fun and quirky side like myself but when I was at school I tried to hide it to seem like one of the normal cute girls everyone would like but boy I wish I could tell myself that IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'd much rather be made to look like a tit while enjoying myself then the shy Soph everyone used to know because life is only boring if you make it and you really do only live once so live a little, crack a joke and do that weird dance move all your friends will film for their probably already full of you doing stupid stuff snapchat story. I now don't find anything nicer than seeing my step mum laugh hard at a facebook message she has got from their group chat or witnessing them play very inappropriate games that lets just say involves something that can be used for pleasure or if you are them then something you can throw at the side of a burger van and see if it sticks.... 

Embracing the sillier side of yourself does not make you immature or young but fun and youthful and they are two things I never want to lose the feeling of. I thought that making my instagram more of a fashion and styling kind of feed rather than a friends and a selfie kind of look would mean people would judge me and think I am big headed or that I love myself. That is not the case. I love to write my blog more than anything in this world and I love all that comes with it. The photography, the editing and the promotion. I have said this before and I'll defo say it again but I do NOT write my blog for anyone but myself. I do not write it to get views but I write to see if the people who do view it like my style of writing. my topics of conversations and even sometimes (only sometimes though) my outfits. I live and breathe fashion so why can't I post my outfit and still be seen as the fun and silly soph most people know me as? The answer is I DO NOT CARE. My instagram my choice.

There will always always always be someone out their who is going to judge something about you no matter how hard you try to be the perfect person but learning to not worry and most importantly not care is super duper important for your mental health. I've learnt to love myself through my family and friends because the people that accept you for your whole self are the ones that you need to listen to. I'm going to carry on doing an irish jig whenever I hear Ed Sheeran come on in a night club, I'm going to carry on laughing my seven different ugly laughs and I'm going to carry on not giving a damn about an irrelevant persons opinions because I am me and I can't and I WON'T change that. 

Soph x