Dear 2017

CYAAAAA

As I'm writing this I'm trying to sort out my plans for the night because silly soph forgot to book tickets for the nightclub we were meant to be going to and IT SOLD OUT HEHEHE so there's nothing quite like entering the new year knowing you fudged up a bit BUT we are being spontaneous and that is the best kind of night. 

2017 has been filled with laughter, tears, trips, heartbreaks, blossoming of friendships and relationships, lots of food, lots of alcohol, lots of early morning and late nights and most importantly this year has been FULL of achievements. When I say achievements I don't just mean the standard 'I got my first year no claims' I mean I've also achieved some things I never thought I would like stepping out of my comfort zone, taking on difficult challenges and making huge steps in my career and personal life. 

I don't want to give 2017 the satisfaction of a blog post dedicated to how up and down this year has been so I'm going to keep this short and sweet and say thank you and good bye. Thank you for being the year my parents got married, the year I learnt what real heartbreak was and how to get over it, the year that taught me about true friends and family, the year that saw me start my career and become the 'head' visual merchandiser (because it's just me hehe) for Topman Cambridge and the year that taught me how to love really really really hard. 

I can't think of anything better then entering the new year with my oldest best friend and my newest one. Have a cracker of a night whatever you may be doing but for now I have to go and get DRUNKKKKK. 

Over and out, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 2018 you better be a good one. 

Soph x   

Reflecting On My Year: PART ONE

NEW YEAR NEW ME?

I know what you may all be thinking, 'oh how cliche of a post' or 'be a little bit more original' but can you really say the year is over if you haven't looked back and thought 'well I thought that wasn't going to be as shit as it was.'

 Instead of looking back on all the things I have probably already blogged about I wanted to remember all of the funny and not so funny little moments of my year. 

1) One of the funniest moments of the year for me was 100% getting off my face drunk at my dad's wedding in front of all our family and friends (including my new grandparents)... did I say funny? I meant to say embarrassing. No but really that whole week was magical, fun, had me in stitches the majority of the time and just overall a really really really happy time. Getting drunk for the first time in front of my family to the point of crying to your stepmum about how much you love her would be seen as embarrassing to most but lucky for me I got the comments 'We love drunk soph' rather than 'you need to go to bed babes'.. Next up my wedding..... HA good joke soph. 

2) Another memorable moment of my year was the week I nearly died and more importantly the recovery. If you didn't know I nearly died this year and I think I would of it wasn't for my stepmumma, so thank you Min for keeping me on this planet to annoy you for many more years to come. But the thing I will remember not just now but for the rest of my life was when I made a surprise visit to work after a week being gone (A week is a very long time in retail) and without even making the top of the very deadly stairs Charlotte had turned around and within 0.3 seconds screamed and started to CHARGE at me. We hugged so hard we nearly fell to the floor and I will never forget that feeling ever ever ever. We have had many amazing memories this year like Craig David and Mallorca but this one means the most to me. I lav ya. 

3) A long part/the start of my year I have been trying to forget about was the part where my relationship was well not a relationship anymore. I jumped into something because it felt like a good thing to do at the time but the outcome and what has happened since between us just doesn't seem like it was worth the jump. That sounds harsh but I only say it because I would of much rather a friendship with him then what we have now which is nothing at all. He probably has lots of horrible things to say about me and boy has he but I know he has a good heart. I won't forget the spontaneous tickets you got us so that we could go and see The Weeknd after we missed Paris because I got ill or the 6 hour journey to the most beautiful place I have seen, The Lake District, I will remember it all. 

4) The last and probably the most random memory I have of this year that makes me grin everytime I think about it was when me and someone who shall not be named decided to play 'Sophie are you really a human jukebox or not'. To keep a long story short, I am. But that's not what makes me happy thinking about it, it's the whole music side. Music helps so many people... including me. sad? Listen to music. Bored? Listen to music. Heartbroken? Listen to music. Honestly there are so many different types with so many different meanings depending on what emotion you are feeling and I find that so insane. So yes I can name every single song within the first 5 seconds on a  'classic rock classics' album and I'm not ashamed but quite impressed..... and so was he. 

  No matter what good and bad things happen this year like promotions or loss of jobs, love or heartbreak and friendship or loneliness there ALWAYS are and ALWAYS will be little tiny memories you can look back on and they are the things you should cherish more because the little things in life create the biggest smiles and fill even the smallest of hearts.... there was the cheese a Soph blog post can't go without. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope this coming year fills you will lots more little memories, good health and most importantly a whole lot of booze!!!!!!!!!

Soph x

Song of the blog: Celebrate- Kool & The Gang

Missing My Ex

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. 

This week I've finally spoken to people about my 'ex' and said out loud the words 'I miss him.' In no way does that mean I want him back or that I'm not ready to move on, it's more of a coming to terms with my feelings and knowing that deep down... very deep down.. I have a heart and it partly belongs to him. Luckily he won't read this and even on the off chance he did he wouldn't care so this is for me and only me to get it off my chest and finally come to terms with the fact that it's okay to be sad over someone that just doesn't deserve you anyway. 

It's super cliche when you break up with someone and everyone says 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' or 'you were just too good for him' but as many times as you hear it and try to believe it you either know that it just wasn't meant to be or that you will never ever find anyone close. That's the first thing I miss. How different yet how similar to me he was. To be honest we weren't together long and I probs can't even call him an ex officially but you know when you know and to me he was right up my street. WE connected from the moment he wouldn't save my seat on the top floor of a very busy revolution club so I could pee and for the next two months I was pretty much obsessed with him. I liked that. I liked the thought of someone and knowing that I really really bloody like them from the get go because I have never had that and I think personally I was always a bit too scared of commitment. It's okay to fall hard and quick but just be careful that they will be there to catch you rather than just stand on the outside and let you fall. 

I get a lot of people have a go at me for living my life the way I want it and I'm sure this post will cause a few dramas but being honest with yourself is the most important thing you can do. I tried for months to convince myself and others around me I was over it because I'm a strong independent woman but really I felt like I had lost a limb and I didn't know how to sew it back on. You can feel lost and like your emotions are on a constant merry go round and you DO NOT have to be annoyed at yourself for it. I miss how my family knew as soon as I mentioned his name that I really liked him. They could tell by how happy I was that this one human had come into my life and gave what they think I deserve.... happiness. That is also the hardest part. Having to tell them he didn't want me anymore. You don't really accept it until you have to tell everyone but again being honest and telling people can really lift a weight off your shoulders because then you know you are not in it alone anymore. 

I think the thing I hate the most about what a situation like this can do to someone is lower their self worth. When someone leaves you (sadly in my case with little explanation) you rack your brains on why on earth you weren't good enough. You wonder what you could of done to prevent it and you think what you could have been doing better. You shouldn't feel like that at all. Maybe one day this person will look back and think 'damn how could I let her go' or he could never think of you again but never ever ever ever ever ever think that you need to change so it doesn't happen again. Think that although he's gone, and you'd really wish he would stay, that actually you are you and he is he and nothing in the world will change that and the two may just simple not go together like bread and butter or cheese and pickle but more like peanut butter and chicken nuggets and ice cream and an oven. 

I hope one day or even now he feels sad at how he left it and left me, I hope maybe he thinks we could have been good if he hadn't of pushed me away for a job and I hope and I pray that he doesn't do what he did to me to another girl because his cheeky smile and the way he can make you feel like nothing else matters will cause many a girl to fall in love with him just like me. 

I'm so sorry to make you feel like you could ever let me go. 

Soph X