Dear Younger Self

HI LITTLE SOPH.

Seeing as time travel hasn't been invented yet this is the best I'm gunna get. I've learnt so much these past couple of years and although there is still so much to learn and overcome you will come out at the end. I promise. You are going to love and hate. You are going to get hurt multiple times. You are going to witness your dad marry the love of his life. You are going to get very very drunk to the point you'll ring the boy you fancy and call him 'babycakes'. You are going to organise and help run a fashion show that goes so smoothly you wouldn't of believed it. You are finally going to move to Royston after many of years saying you will next year. And sadly you're going to get your heart broken in multiple different situations at the most unpredictable of times. 

 Life is fun and exciting and you will be given so many opportunities but you won't be able to share those with your mum, your grandma or even that best friend you thought would be your ben to your jerrys forever. That sounds sad and it is.. you can be sad but you have that friend you never thought would be well.. your friend, you'll have a step mum you go home to every evening and pour your little heart out to and you will have a team leader at work who knows the face 'I need a hug' and will proceed to give you the most comforting of hugs. 

 You are going to develop a real love of eye shadow and winged eyeliner (which has taken you years to perfect) and you will stop climbing trees and start merchandising walls in a flagship Topshop/Topman store. There will be so much for you to learn and so much to achieve but you will want it and succeed even though there are people who are praying for you to fail. But most importantly you don't give up and that is what you are most proud of. 

Two days after your 19th birthday you are going to go out in a killer white dress with a pink fluffy crown on. You are going to dance with your friends and end up on top floor to catch some fresh air and to cool your forehead down that is overheating because of your fringe and without any intentions on your behalf you are going to be swept off your feet by a very tall and handsome guy. It goes REALLY well for a bit but then you get your heartbroken and think the whole world is crumbling down and you don't know why. You think of all your past relationships and wonder why they didn't hurt you as much as this and then it clicks. Most of your exs were really nice guys who you can still get on with (please note the most) but this guy will put you through something you never ever deserved and the most important thing to remember is just that. YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. You are going to love hard and that is what you need to take out of it. You learn that it isn't a bad thing to let your guard down even when you don't want to and that you thinking about other people all the time will not make a very happy Soph. Be honest and open and whether they reply or not you know you tried. 

You are going to develop a real love for mini cheddars and you will continue to love chicken nuggets so much so Dad will never stop telling you 'you're going to look like one soon'.

  You are going to become an aunty to a beautiful little boy who you need to see more even though it is hard. You are going to start to feel like an only child more and more each day but you will still love your siblings just as much as you did when you all lived together under one roof before all the problems started. 

You are going to learn a lot about families and friendships, you're going to be in a year and a half relationship and even when it's over see only the best in him, you are going to start your period and cry about how painful it is every month, You are going to develop a strong love for David Tennant as the Doctor and you are going to become a human jukebox that people class as your party trick. 

Although you will spend years looking in the mirror thinking what if and you will get let down so much to the point you doubt yourself you, I, will tick things off the 'holy shit I did that' list and be proud of where you are at 19 years old with no mother but a loving family, without the best friend of 12 years (she's still a great human, there is no shade what so ever) but with a new group of pals and sadly without my Grandma who I know will be equally as proud.

 From me to myself, You've got this. 

Soph x

Feeling Good For Halloween

HALLOWEEN 2017

I'm not going to lie... I wanted to look good this halloween. When you have had a boy dump you your self confidence goes down A LOT and so I needed to try and make myself feel better by buying a really sexy dress, putting some false lashes on (super proud of myself for this one seeing as I'm not a girl) and curling my hair and that is exactly what I did. Just a disclaimer that I like doing this just for myself and not to grab the attention from anyone else. This isn't a scary costume or even a costume at all but the I felt good and that was all that mattered. For the only part of my 'costume' that was Halloween themed I wore some weird black and red horns that I got last year and you bet as soon as I got on the dance the horns came off and 'landed' on a random persons head who was lucky enough to walk past me at the time. Here is to the start of the best time of year and to a new and improved Soph.... the version that doesn't give a fuck.

Charlotte looked incred as always and I was super happy to have her by my side. We are both going through this rut together so I couldn't think of anyone I would want to get glammed up with more and have a boogie with because gurl we deserve it. 

 DRESS-OH POLLY

SHOES-NEW LOOK (out of stock)

HORNS- ACCESSORISE (old)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BOO! DON'T GET EATEN BY AN MONSTERS! BE NICE TO KIDS NO MATTER HOW ANNOYING IT IS THAT THEY WON'T STOP KNOCKING ON THE DOOR WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO WATCH EASTENDERS!

Soph x  

Is Being Selfish A Good Thing?

HELL NO

If there is one thing that really bugs me it's people who think the world revolves around them. Who make it out like their problem is worse than yours or that their problems are more important than yours. People who think that the topic of conversation has to be about them. The humans who think only for their best interests and not the persons who they are hurting. 

I had a conversation the other night with someone who I really didn't think I would be having the convo with but I did and it made me realise how shitty one person has been to me due to his selfishness. It opened my eyes to people around me and how they are treating me and how maybe I am being to certain people. So I text a friend a need, I read more 'small' blogs and supported some of them, I cleaned up after my dad who had probably made a gross sandwich that consisted of marmite, peanut butter, salad cream and beetroot and I decided to write this blog. I think sometimes we lose sight of what is important and get wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget about what else is going on and there is nothing wrong with that as long as we get back on track and realise our lives are not the only lives that matter. 

With my job taking up a lot of my life and a heartbreak I have been distracted to say the least and it is something I am desperate to change. My job is something I can't do much about it because it really is a step in the right direction for me but the heartbreak is something that makes my life decisions for me and nope I'm not about it. I'm angry more than I am upset just because of all that happened and so in my head I am just fully like 'fuck all boys I hate you I hate you I hate you' when really I should just be going with the flow. I'm sure if you have had a girl/boy hurt you in ways you didn't know you could be hurt then you will have that mindset for a bit and I don't know if it is just me but do you just fully hate the idea of putting yourself in the position to possibly be hurt again? If any thing it has taught me that I want to be alone for a while and not commit to something that isn't me and that is when being selfish is okay just don't knock anyone down in the process that doesn't deserve it. 

Everyone has to be selfish at times because you can't live a happy life if you're doing everything to please everyone else. If you need to do something for you or your future then your friends and family should understand and stick by you no matter what but do not take that for granted and forget relationships are a two way thing. If a friend needs you be there. If a family member needs you be there. I'm sure on the flip side they will be there for you in your time of need too. I don't really know what the rights and wrongs are here but if it feels like you're hurting someone then that is probably when being selfish isn't the best thing to do.

 I've grown up with two very selfless parents who show me everyday how dedicated they are to making everyone else happy. They run motorsport/drifting events pretty much every weekend and then work during the week. Although they live and breathe cars what they do every weekend isn't for them, it is for everyone else. They love what they do because they love to bring people together to do something they love for a really cheap price that no where else can offer them. They don't run the events for a profit or to get any recognition they do it so the people who love to drift can do exactly that without having to get a loan out. That's what makes me most proud. They do not do it for money they do it to simply make hundreds of people happy and it really shows. However when you run big events some people are bound to be shitty and they have defo experienced that a few times to say the least. That's when being selfless has it's flaws and you just can't help it.  You can not please everyone but my parents are lucky enough to be so incredibly loved by so many people that one tiny negative post on facebook (that is totally uncalled for) can have hundreds of replies back (in simply terms)  saying 'shut up'. I aspire to be like them everyday. 

So if you think that being selfish more times than often is the right thing then maybe we are not the most likely of people to get on and although I admire your self love I think you probably need to take a step back and see theres more to life than just you. Sorry not sorry but being a kind, thoughtful and considerate person is so much better than being a selfish, rude and ignorant one. Text that girl back whose heart you broke and say sorry, Tell your friend you love them and will always be there no matter what and put yourself first sometimes. Chose your path... I'm sticking with mine. 

Soph x 

Welcome To My Blog

WELL THIS IS WEIRD

If you've never read my blog before then you'll probably think this is just a nice friendly welcoming... which I guess it is but for those of you who have been with me for a bit or so then you'll think why the bloody hell are you writing this now after months of frequent posts. WELL fear no longer I'm about to tell you... I know you felt no fear but moving on. 

For me I feel like my blog has taken a huge change of direction this past month or so and I myself didn't really know what was going on or how to explain it. I've gone from writing about my outfits to more serious and advice like posts and I'm really not mad about it. I love fashion with my whole life and that will always be the main focus for me but writing comes so naturally that I need to jot down wants in my head and this is where it all comes spilling out. I will never stop going through stuff that everyone can relate to because I'm a (not for much longer HOW SAD) teenage girl and we go through the lot. 

So hi welcome to my blog! I write a load of crap that people actually want to read and sometimes even comment back to me about how it's helping them (how cool is that) but I enjoy what I do and I hope you reading this will enjoy what I do too. I've never been one to brag or say I'm better than anyone but this little blog I've created makes me more happy then you will ever know and that is how I know I'm winning. I get to talk about crappy boys who have broke my heart, girls who think they are gods gift because they are prettier than me, family members that make my little heart burst with love and friends who make my cheeks and tummy hurt from laughing and do you know what? I fucking love it. 

If you have ever thought about starting a blog then do it what is really the worst that can happen? I say it all the time but I write for me and no one else so if someone doesn't like it then I don't really care and if someone does like it then that is an added bonus that makes me very happy. My blog is about channelling my feelings, sharing my personal advice, showing you outfits I've worn, documentation of my travels and memories and most importantly to me my blog is me. Everything I write is me and everything I share with you is me. 

To the people who inspire my posts (good and the arseholes), to the people who read my blog, to the people who take photos for me, to the people who message me saying you can relate and to the one guy (BOY) who broke my heart, gave me plenty of fuel for my fire and who made me want to change my blog.... Thank you so so so so much.

Welcome to my blog. 

Soph x 

Should You Go Back To An Ex?

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

I read a really interesting article the other day and it really opened my eyes on my once 'only rule of dating'. My one rule is to never get back with an ex because you clearly broke up for a reason but now I don't see that as a very clever idea. I've always been too stubborn to be like 'oh I'll go back to them' because I always try and tell people I'm completely over them and in most cases I am but there are a few ex's that I would love to rekindle with just to see if we have grown up and moved on from what was once something that really wasn't working. 

In this article they were talking about how a girl had a boyfriend as a teenager and after being split for two years, with one of those years in another (unsuccessful) relationship, they bumped into each other and the sparks flew so much they are now married and happy. I'm not saying this is aimed at me at all but I'm just particularly interested about this topic of conversation because of how much I was once against it. I wouldn't judged other people but you're quick to make the opinion of  'well surely that can't work' because it just doesn't seem likely to work again seeing as your relationship got so bad to the point it needed to end but sometimes it is just because of wanting other things and growing up and who knows after a few years apart you could be in the job you worked hard to get so much so your girlfriend had to leave you to pursue it or you could just be a lot more mature and want to finally commit to that person. 

I'm a strong believer that most of my relationships (that were going well) didn't work because of timing. I've had a lot going on the past couple of years that the thought of committing to someone even though I was moving two hours away permanently pushed me away and actually had people push me away because of. I've had someone not want to carry on the relationship because they could not balance me and their job (saddest case for me personally) and I've just had the typical fuckboy who hates any thought of commitment (GROW UP). The most important thing to remember is that this happens to everyone (if not then lucky you babes) so you can have glitches and bumps in the road but that does not mean it will never ever work again. You once had feelings so strong you didn't want anyone else so you can feel that again and not feel bad about it. 

When it comes to cases like being cheated on or being left for another person that is when I would say never again just because I know my worth and so should you. If someone was distracted before then they will more than likely be distracted again until they find the right person for them and although that sounds really bloody sad it's not because it will teach you that they were never really the person for you. Another thing that puts me off getting back with someone is if you were never really truly on. I have this 'on/off' situation with a boy and I have for years and years but it has never truly been on and so now I'm thinking that it is time to just call it quits. It's one of those situations where you really want them but they will never really want you they just think they do and that's okay because it just means that there is someone perfect for them and I'm so excited for him to find it. 

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is keep an open mind. Don't go against your morals or your self-worth but think about whether or not someone new can make you happy or whether someone already has and you are not ready to fully let go. It can take months or years but we live and learn and grow and if they have lived and learned and grew too then what's stopping you from learning about the new them and them getting to know the new you. They loved you once they can love you again. Take your time because you have either found the one or you're simply still searching and there is nothing wrong with either of those things. 

Soph x 

Reminiscing on Summer Memories- Anglesey Abbey

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE

Two months ago exactly (genuine coincidence) someone took me to Anglesey Abbey and it was one of the most beautiful things I'd seen. I'm a sucker for flower gardens and old fashioned houses so this was literally the most perfect date... shame the date himself didn't turn out to be so perfect haha (great guy just not great enough for him but oh well!) BUT I've just realised that I never posted the pictures like I was meant to because for me my blog is all about looking back on all the memories I've made and this was one of the highlights of my summer so after having a lazy morning looking through my photos (sometimes that can be a very bad thing) from the summer I've finally decided to post some of those pictures and maybe even inspire some of you to want to go to something that people would usually consider a bit boring. 

    I can't wait to go back next year and hopefully take someone else who will enjoy the pretty flowers like I do.... Charlotte? 

I should probably mention what this place even is.... but it's basically just a country house with acres of land with beautiful gardens and honestly one of my new favourite places I have ever been too. But for a better explanation here is the website... Anglesey Abbey.

I took this on snapchat whhhhaattt

Short but very very sweet... the place and the date. 

Soph x 

What I Want To Achieve By The End Of This

WE ARE NEARLY THERE

I have been so focused on getting through my days that I've lost touch of myself and my goals. So I have decided that I am going to set myself a few small goals that I want to achieve by the end of this year seeing as we don't have that long left of it.... WHERE HAS 2017 GONE??? It's so important to have things to look forward to and to have things that you want to tick off your 'life is falling in to place' list so that you can look back and be proud of yourself rather than dwelling on some of the shitty things life seems to love to throw at us all. 

1. CREATING LOADS MORE FUN MEMORIES

This one is a constant goal of mine. I couldn't imagine a life that was dull and so for me creating memories I'll remember forever and can look back and think wow I was having such a great time are so important to me. After a really fun summer I want to be able to carry that on in to the last couple of months because for me this is my fav time of year and luckily I've met someone who loves it equally as much! After what seemed like I would be miserable forever (god damn boys hey) I'm building my bridge and getting over a crappy month and finally looking forward to more exciting and more adventurous times ahead with some pretty great people. Creating memories is what you'll remember a few years down the line not that your boss changed your rota a week before so you have to work a whole weekend when you had important plans (I'm a bit bitter but I will get over it). 

 

2. FIGURING MY CAREER OUT... KIND OF

By this I don't mean that I'm not happy with the job I have now or that I want to leave but more I want to discover more of what I can get out of what I'm doing now and how it is going to help me get more into the fashion industry. I'm ready to settle down (sounds more scary then it is) but I don't want to be unhappy in what I do so by the end of the year I want to of at least got myself out there a little bit more so I can discover what I can go in to next and how I am going to get there. It's always good to have a career aspiration and for me because I haven't gone to uni it's all about how I can get myself up the ladder and out there in the fashion industry so this goal is super duper important to me. 

3. TO GET MYSELF OUT THERE

Do you know what I am so ready to start a fresh on the dating thing because I am not good at it and what I'm going to do is just go with the flow. See a cute guy on a night out? cool get a free drink and move on... joking but if that ever does happen to me (because it really never does) maybe I'll actually have a chat rather than running off to dance because that's the only thing I know how to do. I also just want to have fun and be free because for a few years now I've been committed to finding 'the one' but I'm young and I really do not need to be wifed up just yet. I'm taking a step back and hopefully one day it will just happen.... a girl can dream right?

4. TO KNOW MY WORTH

I will be the first to say that I am not the most confident of people. I really get knocked down when someone says one tiny thing or points out a flaw I have and I don't think that will ever really changed BUT I really want to start knowing how great I am. That might sound big headed but I'm past the point of caring now because if you don't think you can be great then who else will. I can't change myself and to be honest I don't want to anymore because I have people in my life that remind me of how good a person I can be and they matter the most but I really want to change how much I care about other peoples opinions of me who have done ME wrong. All I can say is FUCK YOU. 

So there are some of the goals I want to achieve by the end of the year and hopefully they will make me more happy, more loving and more adventurous because the year can only become better if I allow it. Have a cracking week.. over and out. 

Soph x  

BEING YOU

IT'S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT 

A lot of my life I've been worried about whether people think i'm 'normal' enough and I honestly don't know why. For example at work yesterday it was the annual student night and we had a DJ blasting music (and when I say blasting I mean BLASTING) and instead of me enjoying what seemed to be a playlist made for me I was too worried about whether the customers on Topman would think I was a right loonie and so just kept restocking arms and tidying up after all theses guys who clearly didn't know what the purpose of the hanger was. I felt like I needed my right hand woman with me to 'cut some shapes' (inside joke) who was stuck two floors above me but that shouldn't of been the case. 

  It's fair to say (I think anyway) I'm a free spirit and I don't usually care what other people think of me but recently my confidence has been knocked with a hammer the size of the Empire State Building on top of Mount Everest and sometimes I get really upset that someone let me go and I had no explanation as to why, but then other days I'll be like your loss hun I'm 10/10 and I think that is perfectly okay. We all have to love ourselves sometimes even if someone else isn't because my opinion of me is more important than some silly boy/girl who ever made me doubt myself. 

My parents are probably part of the weirdest group of humans I know and so growing up I never really thought being 'weird' could be seen as a 'bad thing' but more of a beautiful way of expressing yourself. Don't get me wrong now I appreciate someone with a fun and quirky side like myself but when I was at school I tried to hide it to seem like one of the normal cute girls everyone would like but boy I wish I could tell myself that IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'd much rather be made to look like a tit while enjoying myself then the shy Soph everyone used to know because life is only boring if you make it and you really do only live once so live a little, crack a joke and do that weird dance move all your friends will film for their probably already full of you doing stupid stuff snapchat story. I now don't find anything nicer than seeing my step mum laugh hard at a facebook message she has got from their group chat or witnessing them play very inappropriate games that lets just say involves something that can be used for pleasure or if you are them then something you can throw at the side of a burger van and see if it sticks.... 

Embracing the sillier side of yourself does not make you immature or young but fun and youthful and they are two things I never want to lose the feeling of. I thought that making my instagram more of a fashion and styling kind of feed rather than a friends and a selfie kind of look would mean people would judge me and think I am big headed or that I love myself. That is not the case. I love to write my blog more than anything in this world and I love all that comes with it. The photography, the editing and the promotion. I have said this before and I'll defo say it again but I do NOT write my blog for anyone but myself. I do not write it to get views but I write to see if the people who do view it like my style of writing. my topics of conversations and even sometimes (only sometimes though) my outfits. I live and breathe fashion so why can't I post my outfit and still be seen as the fun and silly soph most people know me as? The answer is I DO NOT CARE. My instagram my choice.

There will always always always be someone out their who is going to judge something about you no matter how hard you try to be the perfect person but learning to not worry and most importantly not care is super duper important for your mental health. I've learnt to love myself through my family and friends because the people that accept you for your whole self are the ones that you need to listen to. I'm going to carry on doing an irish jig whenever I hear Ed Sheeran come on in a night club, I'm going to carry on laughing my seven different ugly laughs and I'm going to carry on not giving a damn about an irrelevant persons opinions because I am me and I can't and I WON'T change that. 

Soph x