Monday, 5 March 2018

I Really Just Don't Give A F***

I'M TAKING NO PRISONERS 

It’s a weird concept to me that I have zero emotions seeing as I will cry at any chick flick, will get so angry at people being so malicious to others and I’ll continue to put everyone before myself but I honestly from the bottom of my heart can say I don’t feel a thing. I don’t feel heartbroken or disappointed, I don’t feel stressed or aggregated when I know I should be and I should be expressing that I am. Any of this make sense? I don’t think so but then again no one has understood up until now so if I couldn’t care less then I wouldn’t care less. 

It’s crazy to me that something like this can be triggered by a careless human, a tiny insignificant event that might not matter in a few years or by a build up of mixed emotions you didn’t know you needed to handle. I think that’s okay. I think it’s okay to feel like you’re stuck with not feeling much at all because of something you cared a lot about. I think it’s okay that you might be confused as to why what used to upset you doesn’t upset you anymore. 

I’ve had a lot of crappy situations occur recently but I think the important thing to remember in a time of need is that you can only help yourself if you want to. No one else is in charge of your mind or happiness so make the change yourself if you so wish too (and yes you should really wish too). It’s really hard to write down emotions when you have none but you know what you would be feeling if you did have some. 

If there’s anyone going through this then I guess you can really appreciate that it isn’t just you, that you aren’t a bit crazy for not feeling emotions and it’s not silly to finally not care anymore after being hurt so much. It’s human and natural to finally hang the towel in on caring about people who don’t care about you. For not believing people when they say ‘sorry’ or that they ‘won’t do it again’. For keeping your cards close to your chest because you can’t really trust anyone. For not getting disappointed anymore when something doesn’t go the way you thought it was. This could be about friends, family, boys, careers, education or even just aspirations and goals in whole but they all matter in one way or another and you shouldn’t be made to feel Otherwise. 

There are people much worse off and although I hate that thought it’s the only thing that puts life in perspective. I didn’t get that promotion I worked so bloody hard for, I don’t have the romantic life I so desperately want from the films and I don’t have many people I can speak to without feeling like they will just relate it back to themselves but That’s the beauty of this whole thing. Everything happens for a reason and it makes you learn even if it is the hard way. It makes us stronger and more willing to power through. Things only stay bad if you let it and even if it takes weeks, days or months you will persevere through and it will all be worth it in the end. 

‘Share your time with those who are lonely and give your smile to someone who needs it’ 


Soph x

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